Worry and anxiety stop action.
Hello again!
I know you are looking for some “how to’s” after all the “how not to’s” from the last post, so let’s get straight to it. Okay? Awesome!
The first thing I need to let you know is this blog is here to give you some pointers. I can’t give you all the answers here, it’s just not possible.
If you want more information, contact me and we can explore what you need specifically and figure out how to get that for you. Deal?
Great.
You know, I said we’d get straight to the “How to’s” right about now.
But it occurs to me that maybe some “why kids worry” might be very useful.
So, let’s go there.
Sometimes, anxious kids have anxious parents. It’s a thing. They see you. They learn from you. Even the things you are not aware of. Perhaps especially those things!
But why might you be an anxious parent?
- Well, genetics play a part.
- Your own parents probably play a large role as they modeled it for you,
- You likely have trauma in your past that has left you with some anxieties. I’d just like to climb on my special soapbox here and tell you that it is my firm belief from observations and study that EVERYONE has trauma. The questions are – what happened, how much (big ‘T’ or little ‘t’rauma?), how long did it go on for and WHEN did it happen? Your age at trauma is important. The brain develops over time, as we know. But what you might not be aware of is that as trauma will affect the brain at the stage of development you are in at the time, it affects how the impact shows up for you later.
Okay, I’m off my soapbox again. For now.
- …and finally, when a loving parent has tried everything to help their child, and it just hasn’t worked….it really is enough to make anyone anxious!
Your anxiety is likely to lead you to avoidance. “She is scared of dogs, let’s not go where the dogs are.” but that does not help your child to overcome their anxiety at all.
It’s understandable that you want to protect your child, but they need to learn how to cope safely, with parents’ help, not how to avoid unpleasant situations.
It’s a good thing you know by now that I say things ‘straight’, isn’t it?
So, what else are you supposed to do? Fair question!
Model what you want to see.
How do you handle stressful situations?
How do you respond to change, uncertainty, obstacles?
Once you have those answers you can figure out what works and what might be changed in your behavior for a better outcome.
Model that.
That’s a great place to start and where I will leave you for now. Don’t worry (I did it again) I’ll be back!
You’re an awesome parent and you’ve got this. – Mikki
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